come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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