She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize