names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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