If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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