It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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