You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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