dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
