i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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