Duck Duck Cougar?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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