I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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