remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
