This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
