i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
