I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
