You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
