well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
