I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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