oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
