Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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