Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
