Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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