you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
