her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
