woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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