just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
