this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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