I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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