I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize