I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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