she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
