and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
