The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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