What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
