Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
