I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
