A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
