You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
birth control should be required to get into college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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