the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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