Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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