On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
