Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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