The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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