Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
