Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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