No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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