You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Please don't give away my fajitas
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
