I heard we made out
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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