So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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