I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
