Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
