you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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