I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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