Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
