Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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