Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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