just tell him i said nine months
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
