we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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