last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
