So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
