I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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