We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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