R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
