took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
