Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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