That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
