my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
